No I’m not Hispanic nor lived in India

 When I first found out about kwanza I laughed and thought was silly (especially coming from Tanzania). However when I see it from a black American’s perspective it all makes sense. As someone who is of Indian ethnicity and was born and brought up in Tanzania I was more privileged than others.  When I first came to California I didn’t know the true morbid American history which no country learns about as United States sweeps it under the rug perhaps because U.S. is considered a super power (in my opinion it isn't). The true dark history is that when the first immigrants came in U.S. they figured out that the best way to get rid of Native American is to divide and conquer just like their ancestors before them. So in the short version of history. The immigrants took advantage of how Native Americans feud with different tribes, then spread non native disease within their community, after that there was an all out genocide carried out by immigrants. This also led to the immigrants telling their offspring how they are better than natives leading to racism, prejudice and a sense of entitlement. After wiping out almost everyone, they started bringing slaves from various parts of Africa. They made Africa one country, erased all roots and made it seem so small when it's the second biggest continent in the world. So after the slaves came the immigrants' children's racism and entitlement only grew. After that finally Abraham Lincoln realized this isn't right and started a movement and a civil war broke out. After slavery was abolished there was no justice served for the Black Americans only in the 1960's after Martin Luther King's efforts was finally some justice was served. Our system is still broken, in my humble opinion there's much more struggles ahead. There's micro aggression faced by people of color, it's exhausting to correct people and explain it everyday. My ancestors moved from India to Tanzania in an effort to make a new life (this was 5 generations ago) I consider myself Tanzanian even if the Black community in Tanzania doesn't. Unfortunately I had a privileged life as an Indian in Tanzania, that's another story for another time. The annoying thing is that because of how I look most people just assume I am hispanic start talking to me in Spanish (especially in doctor's office) it's has become highly annoying and exhausting. 

Of cats and women

 So lately a lot has happened, my Fuaji (father’s sister’s husband) passed in September. I moved in with my faiji (father’s sister) as she doesn’t have any children to take care of her. I’ve been trying to adjust my new life as it’s exhausting there’s so much to do and much to process. Life is not been easy sometimes I feel I’ve been failing, I just try to do what’s best for others and sometimes I forget to take care of myself. Usually I always get hurt and go into a depression there’s no one to talk to and it’s been a long journey for me but writing always helps and is my way of coping. I feel like I’m going to be a crazy cat lady after my aunt passes but who knows what’s in store for me yet. At one point I feel my life hasn’t started and another I feel I’m too late to the game. I’m 36 and haven’t dated anyone in person for a while due to Covid. Part of me is questioning if I should start dating again or not I’ve been letting that idea swim in my head and been trying to pray and seek guidance on this so far I feel I’m not ready yet, however part of me feels that I better start soon. I’m at odds with myself at the end of the day I’ve to let things happen naturally and trust that it will work out.