the story

before I start I just want to say I saw the queen (the movie) and it was great. I can't imagine how hard it was for Queen Elizabeth the 2 to manage to do so well when the whole nation was not quite liking her. I cannot imagine the pressure she has on her. My heart goes out to her and the whole royal family. Back to the story

So after my mom's surgery and all, she was on medication for cancer. I remember having to change everything about my life. I had to do everything for myself for once. Before cancer mom was up before me and made breakfast and lunch. Now I got up and did everything by myself. I got money for lunch. I remember that when I didn't want to go to school or was really ill I had to wake her up and tell her that I wasn't going to go to school. My high school years (esp the first 2) were the most difficult. I now recognize I had adolescent depression. I used to hate my life and I was rebelling my religion. I hated having to wear "a burkha" (ours was different, it was colorful and full of lace and I can't explain it but it was different from all muslim burkhas). I hated not being able to wear jeans or whatever I wanted. Even when I had to go across the street I had to put it on. It was horrible and added fuel to my depression. Can you imagine a teenage girl being forced by society to wear something she doesn't believe in? Thank God I had liberal parents and I didn't wear it on many occasions like parties, weddings, at certain restaurants and some other places. I was happiest when I wasn't wearing it and doing my own thing. My fondest memories was at our beach house despite all the adults arguing and being fussed about the time, food and other worries. I was carefree and enjoyed the beach.
to be continued...

the root cause

Today in health psychology I found out that people who have experienced trauma are susceptible to suppression of their immune system. I think that I am one of them because after my mother passed I have been getting ill a lot more. I know she is in a better place and has a lot of joy. In the afterworld she is a better person and she know who the lord of the time is! She has all the knowledge if she sought it. The good news is that I found that writing about traumas helps the trauma participants. So let's begin.
In the beginning there was me at 12 yrs old. I was in primary school still, and I found out that my mother had cancer. I didn't know what it was and what effects it has. I remember my family members all helping mine to deal with it. I remember being at the mosque and my Yasin kaka came up to me and said "don't you want to go see your mom in the hospital?" and I was glad to escape the mosque and he took me (I think) or someone took me to the hospital. The doctors came and told me about cancer and showed me the tumor they removed. If I only knew! I would have been more interested but I remember it was like a ball and it was full of string like attachments. (I now know that those were the abnormal cells all piled together). ....to be continued

Stress and Health

I am taking health psychology and it's enlightened me to how stress can negatively affect everything. Not that I didn't know this but it's good to see the actual research version. So I am sick again thanks to stress, I thought I was on top and in control of my stress, I guess not. Or maybe my immune system was at an all time low...I don't know. Lately I have been getting sick a lot and I don't like it. Maybe I should get flu shots? They are free...LOL but I feel like I get more sick with them I don't know maybe it's another strain of flu...who knows. I guess I will get flu shots regularly now! The thing is maybe I have bronchitis, because my friend had it and I was studying with him...hmm I will get an appointment. So my bro found a kitten! YAY! I love cats like nobody's business! I melt when I see a fuzzy little or big cat. Even the mean ones are nice to me because they can sense my love. Love is a powerful thing and it conquers all. I am glad he found it because it will help him with his grief. I know he's still grieving but I don't know how to help him. I guess just be there for him. I pray for him as he needs it, but unfortunately we can't keep it as 1. it's expensive 2. I can't take him to Uni as there's a no pet policy. The only thing we can keep is fish :( I am soo sad :(

these days

These days I cry when I have to buy groceries because I don't have the money. These days I am always alone because I don't want to share my grief with my friends. These days I pray more than ever as He is the only one who knows me best. These days I am getting ill due to stress. These days I wonder what I am going to do. This is not a fairytale. This is my life

Time management 101

Okay so far I have been very good this quarter. I have been doing all my readings and keeping up with my classes. I am watching Buffy the Vampire slayer again :) yay netflix esp watch instantly but the net sucks here. Just a price to pay I suppose! I will be successful this quarter! Can't wait till my dad gets here :)...to be continued.