Kama you there?

These colonists shamed your teachings and have made it inappropriate to love others. You were a revolutionary and knew true love is genderless. You taught how love between people is just love; not lust nor shame for having sensual feelings for another person whether man or woman or non-binary.

They made being ardhanarishvara a crime. Although amazing humans like Alok and Sushant Divgikar who are teaching us to do better. All of us have different sexual needs and wants, they shame us for having thoughts to pleasure ourselves despite it being normal.

For those of us that are different, Kama, you are a shining beacon of love. I hope that one day we can have a society that is portrayed in Star Trek; one that has utopia and we search for new frontiers and new worlds. 

Life of a single woman in the late 30’s

 It’s rather strange that I’m unmarried as a 38 year old. Especially because I’m Indian and formerly bohra Muslim. My beliefs are more spiritual than anything I tend to gravitate towards Hinduism. I like my life even though there’s problems. I’m glad that I do not have children and I have the freedom to do what I want (to a degree). Ideally I would love to travel the world but my finances have been spotty lately. I’m doing my best to come back up and have the life that I can enjoy. I turn to my ancestors and spirit guides for guidance and hope that I have the strength to move on and try to make a better life. Currently I’m trying to move to Texas where I have more cousins and hopefully get a fresh start and begin a new chapter in my life. Hopefully I can transfer with my job and have something to build on when I get there. Till then our world is in chaos trying to decide who’s right and wrong (Israel vs Palestine) while it’s innocent people who suffer. If only the world knew who was responsible. I have watched many of David Wilcox’s interviews and documentary videos. I suggest you do the same. One day I hope to see a better world till then we pray for a better future.

Palestine vs Israel

 Things are crazy everywhere around the world. Of course the government (U.S.A.) are ignoring it only serves them to be seen as good. Per the history Israel used to be Palestine and when the holocaust happened and Jews needed a safe place, Palestine was one of the few that welcomed them. However with the help of the American government they took over Palestine and started calling it Israel. We all have ties to this holy land, all people who are spiritually awake are feeling the after effects of what’s happening there. It’s taking a toll on us and the only thing we can do is pray. In a world where we are supposed have free speech, we are not allowed to show any support for Palestine. We can choose where to spend money but not where we work. Most likely all corporate places are tied to Israel unless you have your own business or work at a small business. So here’s my take, I just want peace. It is obvious who started this war, they failed with Ukraine, so now they have a new target. They are inciting violence amongst Jews and Muslims. We must rise and be better and be able to see the whole picture. I can only pray that light triumphs the negative. 

Broken heart

Hello fellow humans with all the stuff that’s going on, I can only pray for peace for the world. Meanwhile I just am here crying because not sure if there’s someone for me or not. Who knows maybe I am not meant to have a partner in this life…here’s a song I wrote.

🎵I hope you know you broke my heart, why did you even pretend to care, I had thought I found the one but alas it was just my imagination. Someday you will know this hurt, you just left without saying goodbye. Ghosting is not cool, just tell me what I did wrong. Now I’m broken hearted because of you. I won’t find anyone else like you. I am never going to trust myself again. We could have been great together but you never cared. You left me broken-hearted. Someday this will come back to you and you will know this hurt too. We talked about everything and I thought your walls were down but you had other plans, I’m still broken hearted. I hope you know I will never trust again. Someday I hope you find what you are looking for. I just know it won’t be me.

Mixed signals

 So I made plans with a guy for lunch/ dinner but I was so off as he just wanted to meet as friends. The dude is married and has kids (2) I was mortified when I found out I legit thought I was on my first date with this dude. This story is going in my funny book and I dunno if I was desperate or what. So the back story is that he texted me non stop saying let’s go out for lunch or dinner and just have a drink I suppose it was in honor of my uncle who just passed. I just want to die of mortification 🙈🙈 

Rain makes me feel like so

 in the rare times that it rains in Southern California it’s nice to take time and enjoy it. Today is Martin Luther King jr. day. Only certain places are open, and it makes me question every time if I’m doing enough. Life seems simple yet complicated and it’s usually the circumstances that make it so. In our toughest times we learn our most valuable lessons. Ever since I have come to live with my aunt I can’t help but feel I’ve put my life on hold. Life doesn’t stop for anyone

No I’m not Hispanic nor lived in India

 When I first found out about kwanza I laughed and thought was silly (especially coming from Tanzania). However when I see it from a black American’s perspective it all makes sense. As someone who is of Indian ethnicity and was born and brought up in Tanzania I was more privileged than others.  When I first came to California I didn’t know the true morbid American history which no country learns about as United States sweeps it under the rug perhaps because U.S. is considered a super power (in my opinion it isn't). The true dark history is that when the first immigrants came in U.S. they figured out that the best way to get rid of Native American is to divide and conquer just like their ancestors before them. So in the short version of history. The immigrants took advantage of how Native Americans feud with different tribes, then spread non native disease within their community, after that there was an all out genocide carried out by immigrants. This also led to the immigrants telling their offspring how they are better than natives leading to racism, prejudice and a sense of entitlement. After wiping out almost everyone, they started bringing slaves from various parts of Africa. They made Africa one country, erased all roots and made it seem so small when it's the second biggest continent in the world. So after the slaves came the immigrants' children's racism and entitlement only grew. After that finally Abraham Lincoln realized this isn't right and started a movement and a civil war broke out. After slavery was abolished there was no justice served for the Black Americans only in the 1960's after Martin Luther King's efforts was finally some justice was served. Our system is still broken, in my humble opinion there's much more struggles ahead. There's micro aggression faced by people of color, it's exhausting to correct people and explain it everyday. My ancestors moved from India to Tanzania in an effort to make a new life (this was 5 generations ago) I consider myself Tanzanian even if the Black community in Tanzania doesn't. Unfortunately I had a privileged life as an Indian in Tanzania, that's another story for another time. The annoying thing is that because of how I look most people just assume I am hispanic start talking to me in Spanish (especially in doctor's office) it's has become highly annoying and exhausting. 

Of cats and women

 So lately a lot has happened, my Fuaji (father’s sister’s husband) passed in September. I moved in with my faiji (father’s sister) as she doesn’t have any children to take care of her. I’ve been trying to adjust my new life as it’s exhausting there’s so much to do and much to process. Life is not been easy sometimes I feel I’ve been failing, I just try to do what’s best for others and sometimes I forget to take care of myself. Usually I always get hurt and go into a depression there’s no one to talk to and it’s been a long journey for me but writing always helps and is my way of coping. I feel like I’m going to be a crazy cat lady after my aunt passes but who knows what’s in store for me yet. At one point I feel my life hasn’t started and another I feel I’m too late to the game. I’m 36 and haven’t dated anyone in person for a while due to Covid. Part of me is questioning if I should start dating again or not I’ve been letting that idea swim in my head and been trying to pray and seek guidance on this so far I feel I’m not ready yet, however part of me feels that I better start soon. I’m at odds with myself at the end of the day I’ve to let things happen naturally and trust that it will work out. 

How I got into cooking as a hobby

 so growing up, my mother never showed me how to cook. Maybe she felt I was too young or would be in her way in the kitchen? I’m a little bit like that I hate having anyone else in the kitchen as it messes with my mojo but I’ve become better at asking for help. Even though my family will disagree with me, the food my mother cooked was not that flavorful except for some dishes of course,  I was “picky” but I’m thinking  maybe I didn’t like her food as it wasn’t good. I’m not claiming I’m better but I’m willing to try and cook as well as I can and learn from my mistakes. Thank goodness for you tube and other family members for the recipes. My favorite person to follow on you tube is https://youtube.com/c/RaihanaMulla her recipes are easy to follow and it’s the type of food I grew up with. 

Here I go down again

 so I made a list of all the pros and cons of dating Mr. Atlanta (due to privacy won’t disclose name), and there were many cons. There were also a couple of red flags that set me running in the other direction, how do you nicely tell another person that you don’t want to be with them? Is there a nice way? I don’t believe in “ghosting” a person. I was as honest as possible of course I didn’t mention to him about the red flags, hopefully he finds someone else for him. He is a nice guy but just not for me, I believe he needs a more traditional Indian woman, that’s certainly not me. If I am being real honest the long distance is an issue too since he’s a student he couldn’t come see me and I’m not well off to be going off to see him all the time. Right now there’s so many events going on in my personal life that I think I just need a break and  focus on my mental health. Some of the few things are my uncle has stage 4 cancer, my aunt had been constantly messaging me on how I am failing her despite my best attempts to buy groceries or do other shopping for her, I just feel like I cannot win in life. I definitely need therapy and right now I’m so broke that I don’t know how I’m going to pay for next month’s rent. Been trying to manage expenses and got rid of all subscriptions except Netflix but it’s still tight. Somehow I’ll pull through and in worst case scenario I have friends and family who I can borrow a small loan from. Been feeling like a miser lately and buying only things that are absolutely necessary. Wish me luck friends! Also a prayer helps too!

Long distance relationships

 Been talking with a potential partner, it’s been going well thankfully. He’s in Atlanta, GA and I’m in San Bernardino, CA I went to see him on July 4 weekend. He came this weekend to see me. I tried to see if I can go see him again but honestly it’s too expensive to get a flight and hotel, wish I knew someone whom I could stay with. Eventually will do my best to go visit when I have more savings, right now I’m focused on doing my best for myself. It’s high time I do good things for myself and not feel selfish or bad about it. There’s much work to be done and hopefully it works out for both of us.

What do I seek (poem)

Just a woman who wants a good communicator,

Not seeking perfection but to be their version of it,

Someone who loves me even when I let my freak flag fly,

He is honest, sweet, practical and gotta love cats

I am beginning to think this guy does not exist.

Be it black, white, brown or some color in between, 

who cares as long as he loves me.

With age looks are first to he’s has be like Chandler with lame jokes

Because mine are worse, but I promise to make him laugh too.

I wear my heart on my sleeve,

Took on bullies all my life,

Came out stronger than ever because it was never about me 

It was Only the bully’s own trauma. 

I can only hope to be a better person than yesterday.

Reflections

 

I was born and raised in Tanzania, my family has been there for 5 generations, however for them it’s a proud moment that none of them have married the natives. I am rather ashamed of their racist nature. It was normal to segregate between us, for example in our house the servants had their own restroom (they couldn’t use ours) and I never questioned why. In school trips we always had separate rooms Africans in one and Indian in the other, I remember there was one girl who was biracial (Indian and black) who were very few in numbers and she asked us why we segregated, that’s when a light bulb went on inside me and snapped me out of what I was unconsciously doing and following. Later in my third year of high school I had a huge crush on my classmate (who so happened to be black), Ntale was from U.S. (not sure what state) but we used to talk about everything under the sun, he was my best friend and I fell in love with him, I never told him as I didn’t have the courage to do so. It was close to our final year in school, when his mom passed, our whole class went to his house, and that was the first time I got to hug him and I felt like never letting go. I was naïve and told my mom about what happened and she forbade me to ever see him and threatened me to never go to school again. I look back on what could have been a great relationship, (hopefully) but never got the chance to explore with him. I still feel sad that I listened to my family and did not pursue him. Now that I am in California, and at 35 (unmarried still) I have dated many different races, but never had a chance to date a black man as I never got approached by one nor have I actively pursued any, hopefully when covid has reduced and we get to be in bars again maybe I can meet someone but I am open to whomever walks in my life whether they are black, brown, white or anything in between. Although I did finally got to tell Ntale that I liked him, and the reasons why we weren’t together. I really regret not pursuing him. He was my best friend (to some degree he still is), we used to talk about everything and anything, I learned that he liked me too, and it hurts the most.  Why did his race matter? I should have been braver and fought for us. Now there’s a continent, and a couple of oceans separating us. Not to mention the circumstances are different, I feel exhausted even thinking about how we could make it work. I question my worth sometimes then I remember how powerful women are, so who is more fragile me or you? Regarding fragility Ruth Bader Ginsberg said it best, fragile like a flower or fragile like a bomb? Men’s approval have never mattered, however women still compare themselves, some of us even  beat each other down instead of lifting each other up. I never take life seriously I make myself happy by noticing funny things such as, when I see men with these dad sneakers it makes me laugh. Although Some stupid things that I laughed about make me like a bad person for laughing about them. Don’t even get me started on romance movies, that they set unrealistic expectations of love and who we should be. Some days I’m happy to be child free and single while other days it rather lonesome. We should all support each other’s journey no matter what stage we are in, for what’s happening to me could happen to you. Perhaps it’s naive of me to try my best to make this world a better place.

Why I love the Star Trek universe

 Hello! I am a huge fan of Star Trek I have yet to watch the original series (Star Trek Enterprise), I know I know but I am not a fan of Shatner's dramatics. So far I have seen Star Trek The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine and Voyager. My favorite so far is DS-9 mainly because of Captain Sisko. This is my suggestion if you want to see it in Chronological order

Star Trek chronological order (films listed in italics)

1. Star Trek: Enterprise (Year: 2151-2161)
2. Star Trek: Discovery seasons 1-2 (Year: 2255)
3. Star Trek: The Original Series (Year: 2265-2269)
4. Star Trek: The Animated Series (Year: 2269-2270)
5. The first six Star Trek films (Year: 2273-2293)
6. Star Trek: The Next Generation (Year: 2364-2370)
7. Star Trek films 7-10: Generations up to Nemesis (Year: 2293-2379)
8. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (Year: 2369-2375)
9. Star Trek: Voyager (Year: 2371-2378)
10. Star Trek: Picard (Year: 2399)

The universe teaches us how to get along with different species, treat women with respect, how to use technology to help all of human kind, and how to be a good person. All the captains go through different trails and tribulations, they are not perfect, many have made many mistakes and had to make difficult decisions but they stayed true to the principle of human kindness and be an example to difficult alien species (such as Jem Hadar and changelings). The teachings of it go deep into your soul, most people recognize it and call us trekkies, I am proud to be a trekkie and display what a true Federation citizen would do. Ideally I would like to be the ship's counselor, or language assistant, or just be a manager on Riza, everyone has a place in the federation, even the rebels, the warring Klingons, the cunning Romulans, the horrid Cardassians, the religious Bajorans, the scary Borg, all play a different role to contribute to the universe.It would be my dream to see people united the way Star Trek portrays and wars, famine, poverty be a thing of the past. One day we shall see our utopia, but remember what we consider utopia might be hell for others.

Dating in times of Covid-19

 Since I have been single for almost half a year it’s been rather frustrating dating. Here’s what I noticed: 

1. They will say no because we can’t physically meet

2. Communication is 10X harder because they don’t want to talk

3. People think ghosting is okay because we can’t meet in person 

4. Going “out” has been eliminated so it’s difficult to meet them even if you want to 

5. Pandemic brings out the worst in people (maybe not such a bad thing)

6. Stress creates a hardship and people do not want to give a new relationship a chance 

These reasons above have made it difficult for me to date, however I have been “seeing” a guy in Calgary, Canada and it’s so difficult not to hop on a plane to go see him. It’s rather frustrating but I know when we meet it’s going to be even more special, hopefully he keeps talking to me and we can survive this pandemic and meet in person next year in June 2021, I’m hoping it’s earlier but I’m keeping a late date in case of disappointment. Here’s to keeping things fun and hopefully a relationship blossoms 

Loving yourself

 Lately I have been trying to find myself more and enjoying my own company. Having a phone does not help as it distracts me from trying to be my own best friend. It sounds narcissistic of me and rather like an ego trip but it really isn’t. It’s been a difficult journey to learn to love myself. Having a life coach helps too as they remind you of your value and what you have to offer. I still have some ways to go but writing out poems, journaling and meditation has helped bring out the best parts of me. I believe that having a planner has helped me get control of my life, I recommend using happy planners to help write out your goals, they have cute sticker books as well to help you with organizing your life. Doing what I love helps me too, been going on walks and enjoying nature in every way possible. Being in nature helps me recharge my energy and bring out my best self. 

Fantasy- (a Poem)

 Hello everyone, so a lot of things have been on my mind including having my own home, with the current trend of housing costs I really do not see it happening. While a modest lifestyle is recommended even by Einstein, it is no reality today. Here's to better times, and better circumstances. This poem was inspired by the song Home on the Range, according to Wikipedia, it was composed by Daniel E. Kelly, and the lyrics are by Brewster M. Higley. Please note this poem is my own work and please do not plagiarize it. Also I might change the words later

Fantasy

To have a place where I call home,

where I am free to roam

and anyone who's my member is welcome at any old time,

to have good food and dine.

There's a beautiful lemon tree in my back yard 

that I will someday grow as my love for myself too.

And I really do hope that you will come visit me in my home,

for it is filled with laughter, love and kindness.

May we all find what we seek and return to our journey for that treasure of wisdom. Good wishes unto you and your loved one.

Spooky times in Asma’s life

This month has been a whirlwind, lot's of highs and lows. That's life for you, also I need to hang out with myself more and create "me" time because in the end I always depend on myself. I want to surround myself with more positivity and cat pictures. I am going to decorate my work cubicle so it does not look dull and speaks of my personality. I feel like it's going to help me be more productive and help me focus on what's important. Ladies if you are dating, my advice is always do your research even before meeting the guy. Even if he's from your trusted networks, you never know. I recently had a scary experience which I am not sure I want to share but let's just say I got myself some pepper spray for protection. I am definitely going to be more mindful and say a prayer before meeting anyone, I need to up my prayer game. For me prayers do not necessarily mean namaz, which is a traditional Muslim prayer. Who's to say how I pray is right or wrong, what gives you that power? How can you judge me for praying my own way? It's between me and Allah and it's no one else's business. Stay healthy friends and stay safe at home! 

Tips on living well in S. California

 Hello everyone, thanks for your patience on waiting for me to figure out how to write this blog. So I have been in S. California since 2006. Please note, what works for me might not necessarily work for you. We all need a little help with how to navigate better in life. So a little about my lifestyle. I am a single woman, 35 years old, I do not have children and currently I am happily single. With that I have the luxury of changing some of my expenses and playing around with what I am able to do. 

1. After high school (I didn't go to HS here), go to either Vocational school or Junior college (community college). DO NOT DECLARE A MAJOR! I recommend Jr. College as you can take a variety of classes to figure out what you are interested in. Get involved in clubs, you will increase not only your friend circle but you can network.
2. With the above advice, it will help you save money for your future, apply for on campus jobs. Apply for Board of Governor's fee waiver. Apply for financial aid, stalk their office and keep applying for grants, scholarships, and any free money. 
3. Make an expense report on excel or paper, list out all your important expenses that everyone of us have to pay (Car registration, rent, phone plan books, clothes), also include your "fun" (dining out, movies, Netflix etc.) expenses.
4. Look on craigslist for apartment listings based on your expenses and income level
5. Shop around for Car Insurance, I guarantee that you are paying too much (AAA is really good)
6. Shop around for phone plans (don't forget the pay by plans like in Walmart)
7. Try to reduce your fun expenses by cooking at home via meal kits if you are a beginner or not very good at cooking, watch videos on you tube to improve your food flavors and variety.
8. Make grocery lists and stick as much you can to it! 
9. Download Apps for grocery store, shops to save money for their coupons (Retail me not is not always reliable, try Ibotta). Save your "junk" mail as they have manufacturer's coupons for everyday items.
10. Get a happy planner: It will help you organize your life! Trust me once you get used to them they are a God sent gift!

These are my few tips to help you live better, and please feel free to reach out to me if you have any concerns or need any additional help asmaraja708@gmail.com, instagram: smi708 

Motivational Speaker, Tyson Michael

 Hello folks, so today I spoke with a motivational speaker named Tyson, please do check him out on 

Instagram  https://www.instagram.com/tysonmichael_/?hl=en

You Tube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFf8IDfpj_no1zvMUAeLZCA/videos

He is only 22, and already ahead of his game, and a person to watch and follow. Age is just a number, do not let it deter you, he's an old soul in a young man's body (in a good way). We all need help in our lives, sometimes more than usual and for me this pandemic has taken its toll. We talked about how I am worth as a person and that I should present myself to others in order to be my very best self. We talked about how Happy Planners has changed my and my friend's lives for the better. It was so easy and natural to talk to him, I felt as though I was talking to an old friend. My next post will be on tips on how to live in S. California, and how to navigate some of the things that I have struggled with and now I am aware of how to make it easier for others.